I hold each one of you in my prayers and my heart. And I thought of you when I came upon an entry in my journal from February 2019 describing a moment of life-changing prayer. This healing experience with Jesus happened as I looked into my own eyes in a mirror and was astounded by what I saw. I decided to share this encounter with Christ straight from my journal without rewriting or editing. I pray that by sharing my story, you will find the courage to look yourself in the eyes and see Jesus gazing back at you.
Together in His Heart,
Seeing Jesus in Me
Oh My Jesus, was that Your voice I heard tonight? Were those Your eyes I gazed into in my own reflection in the mirror?
I was getting washed for bed and praying… praying to see Your loving gaze. Thanking you for my precious children and grandchildren and thinking about how I see You in them and how much love I feel when I look at them especially as I was sitting with Megan and John as they fell asleep. As all of this was spinning around in my mind, I dried my face and as I dropped the towel I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror. And this thought came to me… If I see You Jesus in others and if others see You in me then maybe I could see you in me.
I looked into my own eyes thinking, ”I want to see not myself but You Jesus. And if others know You abide in me and I know it then I need to see not myself but You in my eyes just as I see you in everyone I meet.”
And then Scripture verses and my conversation with Father Michael came to my mind…
“Love yourself as you love your neighbor”
“You are not a means to an end, You are the end. All of this is for you.. my gift to you”
“Arise my Beloved and come with me.”
“My darling, you are altogether beautiful, without flaw and I love You. Together we are one.”
“You have changed the way I have seen myself and thought about myself for nearly my whole life.”
For so long I had felt as though my dignity had been stolen from me, that I was desecrated, impure, damaged and unclean. But those feelings were not facts! You have never abandoned me and my dignity and worth could never be stolen from me.
I put my hand gently on my face cupping my cheek the way I did when my mouth and jaw hurt; the way Lorna did when releasing the tension in my jaw triggered memories; the way Father Michael touched his cheek when he told me I could be gentle with my children and with myself. And I thought, “I can love You Jesus not only by seeing and loving You in others but by seeing and loving You in myself. Your loving gaze that I’ve been trying so hard to imagine…it was there in my looking deeply into my own tear-filled eyes in the mirror.”
As I stood looking into my own eyes and gently holding my cheek for a moment I thought “Am I being vain or prideful looking in the mirror?” but immediately I knew the truth… No, I am not looking at myself out of pride or vanity. I am looking for Christ and I am learning to love the person He created me to be.
And now just as Father Michael said would happen when I let You show me myself through Your eyes, reality has changed. I see now. I see everything so differently, so clearly. Now I see myself in a whole new way!
I embody You, Jesus! Your Love, Your Light, Your power to heal, Your resurrection power, live in me!
I can look in the mirror and choose to see me… and all my blemishes, flaws and inner & outer imperfections… or I can choose to look at myself in the same way I look at others… through Your eyes, Jesus, and see You living in me.
It’s not about me… I’m not about me… it is all about Christ living in me… for in Him I live and breathe and move and have my being.
Please dear Lord, let me see You in me and teach me to love this new me as I love my children and others.