Relocating the Home of the Bridegroom

Relocation has been a part of my life since I was a young child. My family moved to a different town about once a year, which meant uprooting me (yet once again) from friends, school, church community, and all the rest. As a result, I grew up lacking a sense of safety—a wound that has carried over into adulthood.

And here I am, a middle-aged woman, moving yet again—just one year after my last move. I still have no anchor in this world, no grounding. I tried—so hard!—to find it. I sought loves and marriages (yes, in the plural), yet still I couldn’t find safety.

Not in the world, at least.

Enter our Bridegroom.

After experiencing trauma, everything tends to feel dangerous—even the innermost self. Yet if I can’t feel at ease within myself, I can’t feel at ease anywhere in the world. What I’ve learned as I’ve traveled along my personal healing journey is that the only way to feel at ease within myself is not to cling to an earthly place, as if somewhere or even someone will protect me indefinitely.

Lasting safety only comes when I allow myself to simply let Him (Song of Songs 1:2) — when I let Him enter my heart, let Him take over my life, let Him kiss me with his fragrant kiss of wisdom and Divine Mercy.

St. Thomas Aquinas points out that “hope is of good that is obtainable.” Our Beloved Bridegroom, who is Hope (and Faith, and Love) is mercifully obtainable—to the degree that He longs for us to allow Him to enter into our lives, our souls, and especially our wounds. He’s so eager to heal and nourish us, to keep us safe in His embrace.

I can’t coerce safety into existing in a corruptible world; I can’t change the universe or eradicate the results of original sin. Yet if I give in to fear, I’m relying on something other than hope. In other words, I’m giving myself to something other than God.

In order to readjust my thoughts and emotions, in order to truly heal, I need to lean into Jesus. And really, in this life, that’s all each of us needs to do. “His left arm is under my head, His right embraces me” (Song of Songs 2:6).

No matter where I am physically, I’m home. I’m home, because Jesus lives within me, in my heart in my soul, even in my physical body through the reception of the Sacred Eucharist.

No matter where I am, I’m home. With Him.

Copyright 2024 – Jenny duBay