The Art of Tenderness

Tenderness. It is one of my favorite words, one of my favorite experiences of human connection. A tender glance, a tender embrace, a tender touch or word of gentle kindness. A sincere and softly-given offering, heart to heart. When is the last time someone looked at you or spoke to you with tenderness? What qualities made it truly tender? How did receiving this gesture make you feel?

In my own heart, I recognize a great longing for tenderness in my close relationships – both in a desire to receive and offer this gift. Christ the Bridegroom, whose love is all sweetness and tenderness, comes to fulfill this yearning in our hearts through His Sacred Heart pouring out all so tenderly for each of us, and through His gift of others who embody this tenderness in our lives.

St. John Paul II, as Bishop Karol Wojtyla, wrote Love and Responsibility, a comprehensive illustration of true, authentic love as arising from and directed towards the good and dignity of the human person, male and female, made in the image and likeness of God, who is True Love.

“Tenderness is the ability to feel with and for the whole person, to feel even the most deeply hidden spiritual tremors, and to always have in mind the true good of that person. . . We feel tenderness for a person when we become conscious of the ties which unite us . . . [It is] the tendency to make one’s own the feelings and mental states of another person. This tendency seeks outward expression: I feel the need to let the other ‘I’ know that I take his feelings and his state of mind to heart, to make this other human being feel that I am sharing it all, that I am feeling what he feels.” (Love and  Responsibility, Karol Wojtyla)

What does this stir in your heart?

How rich with compassion and empathy is the art of tenderness. It is a coming near, a wanting to be so close as to share in the interior life of the other.

Our beloved Papa JPII goes on to write of the importance of tenderness especially between male and female:

“This is the sort of tenderness that a woman expects from a man, and she has a special right to it in marriage, in which she gives herself to a man . . . her emotional life is generally richer than a man’s, and so her need for tenderness is greater. A man also has need of it, but to a different degree, and in a different form. Both in the woman and in the man, tenderness creates a feeling of not being alone, a feeling that his or her whole life is equally the content of another and very dear person’s life. This conviction very greatly facilitates and reinforces their sense of unity.” (Love and Responsibility, Karol Wojtyla)

I don’t know about you, but as I read those words, my heart burns within me as every fiber resonates with this need for tenderness.

How we crave this union, this communion of persons. And no matter our vocation or state in life, this is the gift Christ the Bridegroom offers us, heart beating against Heart, with our every breath and for all eternity. He does not want to stand at arm’s length. He wants to cozy up right next to us and hear it all; and even more than that, He wants to – and does – dwell within us, in the inner sanctuary of our interior castle, where He knows deeply all we feel and think and experience. He wants to be one with us, in our loves, joys, sorrows, fears, concerns, sufferings. He dwells in our hearts, and He invites us to dwell in His. Heart belonging to heart.

Just this past week in Adoration, I sensed the Bridegroom inviting me through song: “Merge with me.” He desires to merge with us, that He can take on all of our cares. They are His. And if we are open to it, His cares also become ours. Christ the Bridegroom of tenderness surely learned His tenderness from His Mama. Our Blessed Mother is called Our Lady of Tenderness, holding Christ warmly to her breast, and standing as close as she could to His feet as He suffered on the Cross.

Jesus Christ our Bridegroom, fill us with Your tenderness for us. Blessed Mother, share with us your tenderness for Him. This is the closeness for which we long. May we share this with each one God entrusts to us. Heart to heart communion: the art of tenderness.

Songs on Tenderness… click to listen:

“The Nearness of You” by Norah Jones

“Tender Love” by Ocie Elliott

“Love Me Tender” by Elvis Presley

Marian West, Copyright 2024