The Bridegroom of Marriage

I’m reading the Song of Songs a bit differently nowadays. When I first began to awaken after being stuck in “freeze” mode due to prolonged trauma, the Song of Songs was my guide to healing through the Divine love of our Bridegroom. I initially got stuck on that first line, “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth” because
it seemed too frightening, too vulnerable. It reminded me of marital kisses, which were so sweet in the moment, but the next moment could turn vile and accusatory. I never knew what would come out of my husband’s mouth—soft words of love or angry words or resentment and blame.

Yet as I began to let Him heal and comfort me, as I began to open my trust to the One who would never betray me, I found myself running in His footsteps (Sg. 1:4) and engulfed by His healing fragrance (Sg. 1:3). Healing progressed slowly, like the unfurling of spring blossoms (Sg. 2:12-13)—all within His divine timing.

Our Bridegroom was spinning His merciful graces not just around my wounded heart, but around my husband’s as well. By God’s sheer grace, my husband began opening himself to the fragrance of the Bridegroom, to the restorative touch required to transform his hidden wounds of shame and resentment into those of authentic love and responsibility. Through the gift of humility and self-reflection, my husband was able to see the harm he was doing to others as well as to himself.

This changed the entire trajectory of our marriage. What once was lost has regained its true meaning.

Now, as my marriage continues to heal, I find myself meditating upon the Song of Songs in a new way.
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For see, winter is past,
the rains are over and gone.
The flowers appear on the earth.
The season of glad songs has come,
the cooing of the turtledove is heard
in our land.
The fig tree is forming its first figs
and the blossoming vines give out their fragrance.
Come then, My love,
My lovely one, come.
My dove, hiding in the clefts of the rock,
in the coverts of the cliff,
show Me your face,
let Me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet
and your face is beautiful.
(Song of Songs 2:11-14)
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Song of Songs 2:11-14 has always been among my favorites. I envisioned Jesus calling me out of my darkness, away from my trauma and into the light of His mercy and grace. The love of my Bridegroom drew me out of my brokenness, my sorrow and grief, and into a new springtime of beinghood. In the words of St. Catherine of
Siena, “If you are what you ought to be, you will light a fire in all the world!”

Now, however, my heart is reading these lines from the Song with a new perspective. Jesus isn’t just the Bridegroom of my soul—I realize now He’s the Bridegroom of my marriage, as He should be. In Theology of the Body St. Pope John Paul II makes the point that although each of us are made in the image and likeness of God, it is the two become one—man and woman, united in the sacrament of marriage—that more clearly reflects the image and likeness of God.

“The account of the creation of man in Genesis 1 affirms from the beginning and directly that man was created in the image of God inasmuch as mankind is male and female … man became the image of God not only through his own humanity, but also through the communion of persons, which man and woman form from the very beginning. The function of the image is that of mirroring the One who is the model, or reproducing its own prototype. Man becomes an image of God not so much in the moment of solitude as in the moment of communion.” (St. Pope John Paul II, Theology of the Body, 9:3)

The image of God within my marriage was tarnished by betrayal, almost to the point of no longer being recognizable. Yet through the grace of God—and hard work, including the support from Hope’s Garden and You Are Made New—my husband and I are replacing the tarnish with the fragrance of our Bridegroom. Where
once our marriage was “very dark” because it was untended (Sg. 1:5,6), now “winter is past, the rain is over and gone” (2:11).

Healing a fractured marriage hasn’t been easy. My husband and I still catch foxes in our vineyard (Sg. 2:15), but they’re little foxes now, and our Divine Bridegroom helps us recognize them. There are times when we may not feel like continuing the hard work of healing, preferring the comfort of rest (Sg. 5:3). Still, through the
bounty of the Holy Spirit, we’re able to revive our stamina and keep going.

When my husband and I invited Jesus into our marriage, when we acknowledged that He is indeed the Bridegroom of our relationship, we invited Him to release His healing fragrance upon us—to truly bless our marriage as He originally intended. For so many years this blessing had been blocked by lies, secrets and betrayal, but now it has been unlocked through Christ-centered love and an acknowledgement of the true foundation of our union.

The Song of Songs doesn’t just sing to the individual soul but can sing to the soul of all sacramental marriages, especially those in repair. When the dark stain of betrayal or abuse is completely eliminated, and mutual self- giving has become the Christ-centered foundation, the Bridegroom’s fragrance will fill the marital house with the incense of the Holy Spirit.

Jenny duBay, Copyright 2025