The Garden of my Life

My garden, once a sanctuary, was trampled upon by those closest to me – my own family. Years of betrayal and anguish left me feeling forsaken and utterly all alone. I tried to navigate life all by myself, but I stumbled constantly. Weak and unsupported, with a fractured family and no safety net to break my falls, each tumble hardened me, forging a fierce self-reliance within me. I convinced myself that I didn’t need anyone, not even God, whose existence I doubted after all I had suffered in my life. Still, I pressed on, step by agonizing step, day after day, year after year, the drudgery of my life as it was, continued.

I was ashamed of the family I came from and cut off from all love. I didn’t know where or how to find the kind of love that would satiate and bring peace and joy to my soul, now I understand that love cannot be created from nothing. I was lost, I was confused, and I was afraid, and the weeds in my garden were choking the life out of me. I had thought about ending my life thousands of times, but I never had the courage to follow through with it. Yet, buried deep inside me, there was an endless well of hope, its source a mystery, giving me the strength to keep holding on.

My life was a desolate wasteland, with cracked and barren soil, incapable of sustaining life. My spirit shriveled in the arid wilderness of my long, arduous, and painful days. My family never equipped me to grasp the inner mysteries of God, so God was a distant concept that was totally beyond my reach. I toiled endlessly to better myself, to do more, hoping that God might count me worthy of saving. But the years slipped by, and my life remained mired in a dry and unyielding earth.

Yet, somewhere within me, I knew that God existed and He was real, even if He seemed so far away. I tried to fix my brokenness, but I lacked the strength and tools to change the story of my life. My roots were shallow, my resolve wavered, and yet in my delicate persistence, God began to heal my garden.

I cannot say exactly when or how it happened, or why it took over five plus decades, but God restored my soul and renewed my trust in Humanity. Eventually, I came to see my garden as God sees it. It was His grace that fueled my strength to endure yet another day, and without realizing it, somewhere along the line, I had surrendered my will to God. The day I surrendered my will was the day my life began to change. I was no longer this frail and wounded bird that was afraid of everything.

And today, I understand my trials, pain, scars, and trauma were not in vain. All along God was forging me onward, through slow, painful steps, for the long journey ahead, to Heaven. To my own wonder and amazement, this truth now resonates deep within my soul and is now a part of me – it is Love. I read a quote by a Catholic Priest named Don Dolindo and it said that “Pain is the brush that God uses to paint Holiness on a soul,” and in the blink of an eye, God had restored my garden.

“The Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your needs in
parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a
well watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail.”
Isaiah 58:11

Lisa O’Leary – Copyright 2025